VirtuALFs

I went to the hygienist the other day, which I always hate.  Not because I have bad teeth.  I actually have very good teeth; they may be wonky, but there isn't a single filling and I only have to see the proper dentist every couple of years for an x-ray he charges me an exorbitant amount for.  My hygienist, however, likes to tell me what I should be doing to my teeth, which annoys me.  I don't like being told what to do at the best of times and when she pulls out her plastic jaw and starts poking at it to explain how I should  be brushing my gums I feel like saying "how about you take my ninety five quid, polish my teeth, and dump the scolding?"

Anyway.  The point is I'd finished getting my lecture, and I was sat at the station waiting for my train.  I realised that the new refreshed Merseyrail app now tells you exactly where the train is, so I had a look, and I got a surprise.  It turns out some of the stations have what I'm going to call VirtuALFs next to their names.

Readers who've been here since the earliest days of the blog will remember that one thing I did when visiting all the Merseyrail stations was catalogue what I called the ALFs: the Attractive Local Feature boards.  (That's a name I made up by the way.  I still have no idea what their official name is).  They look like this:

The name of the station, a coloured band, and a local visitor attraction with a nice picture to get your attention.  They're found throughout the Merseytravel - sorry - Metro region, on the City Lines as well, and I love them.  They're a little bit of colour, a tempting reason to jump off the train, and they're plain nice.

The Merseyrail app now also lists Attractive Local Features next to some of the stations.  But what are these features, and what is their relevance to the station?  Are they relevant to the station?  Let's do some deep probing into the world of VirtuALFs via a long and overanalytical list!

AIGBURTH (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Otterspool

Our first stop is Aigburth in South Liverpool, and we're advised to alight here for Otterspool, Liverpool's waterside playground.  It's a handy walk from the station, it's a big attraction.  Yep.  This is what we want.

AINSDALE (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Ainsdale Beach

The beach is an easy stroll from the station.  It's also an absolute nightmare to park round there on a warm day so I can highly recommend taking the train.  (By the way, I'm doing this in alphabetical order by station, so it's just a very spooky coincidence that the first two are places with, shall we say, a reputation).

AINTREE (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Aintree Race Course

The only possible choice, of course, what with it being literally across the road from the station.  I will however object to the way they've split racecourse into two words.  Race.  Course.

BACHE (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Chester Zoo

This is our first slightly dodgy one.  Bache is the closest station to Chester Zoo, one of the premier attractions in the North West.  Getting there is not straightforward.  It's nearly two miles' walk from the station along a suburban street.  You can get a bus from the Liverpool Road, but that's a fair walk, and not immediately obvious.  There used to be a shuttle from the station but that was discontinued years ago.  It's not a bad shout, and it's certainly a better option than, say, Morrison's, but it's coming with caveats.

BEBINGTON (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Lady Lever Art Gallery

Bebington is handy for the northern part of Port Sunlight village, and Port Sunlight itself handy for the southern half.  It makes sense to split the tourists up by directing some to use this station and saves them putting "Port Sunlight" twice.

BIRKENHEAD CENTRAL (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Pyramids Shopping Centre

The Pyramids are, indeed, the other side of Borough Road from Central, just a couple of crossings away, so if you're looking for the Wimpy this is the ideal station to use.  I might have gone for Birkenhead Priory myself.  While it's a longer walk from the station - and not the most pedestrian friendly route - it's a unique attraction, instead of a shopping centre, and a historic feature that doesn't get enough love.  (It does have some odd opening hours though, so perhaps this is to avoid disappointment).

BIRKENHEAD NORTH (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Tam O'Shanter Urban Farm

This is indeed a lovely little attraction, but it does bury the lede that the farm is nestled within the Bidston Hill Country Park, whose features include the observatory and a windmill as well as acres of woodland and field.  You might perhaps think that it's because they've saved that for Bidston station itself, but actually, Bidston doesn't have a VirtuALF at all.  There's not even a mention of the interchange with the Borderlands Line for trains to Heswall and Wrexham.

BLUNDELLSANDS & CROSBY (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Crosby Beach

Crosby Beach is actually really long, so both Hall Road and Waterloo could put in bids for the beach; B&C is in the middle though so it gets the win.  Interestingly, there's no mention at all of Anthony Gormley's Another Place, a major tourist attraction; you could have put it at Waterloo if not here, but that's another station without any VirtuALF.

BOOTLE NEW STRAND (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Bootle Strand Shopping Centre

Bootle Strand is a shopping precinct across the road from New Strand station.  It has some shops in it.  You can visit if you like.  I wouldn't recommend it.

BRUNSWICK (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: TeamSport Go Karting

This is the first one I think flat out shouldn't be here.  Up until now we've either had major tourist attractions or shopping centres - places which are going to attract a lot of people and have a certain public interest value.  TeamSport Go Karting is a private company offering indoor racing; great fun, I'm sure, but hardly comparable with the Lady Lever.  It's as if Birkenhead Central had listed the Home and Bargain next to the station.  There's nothing much else you could list round here - perhaps the southern docks and marina? - so it didn't need one at all.

CHESTER (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Chester Racecourse

I get that it's difficult to summarise an entire town in one line.  The main reason a tourist goes to Chester is to see Chester itself, and sticking that under the station name would be confusing.  I do think that, for example, Chester Walls and Cathedral, or perhaps Roman City, would've been a better destination to highlight than the racecourse.  Especially since, unlike Aintree, this one's only one word.  If you're going to be wrong at least be consistently wrong.

FAZAKERLEY (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Aintree Hospital

The hospital is directly opposite the station and is a major resource in the north of the city, to the extent that most of the residents still call it "Fazakerley Hospital" even though it hasn't been called that for years.

FRESHFIELD (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Formby Beach

Like its brother at Ainsdale, Formby Beach is a major attraction that is best reached by rail rather than driving.  It's again arguable whether Freshfield or Formby itself is more convenient, but this is the quieter of the two stations so you can understand Merseyrail directing you there instead.

HAMILTON SQUARE (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Wilfred Owen Museum

This was a very small exhibition devoted to the World War One poet who came from Birkenhead, and was located in Argyle Street, the other side of the square from the station.  Please note the use of the past tense there, because not only is it not there any more, it actually moved in 2020, to West Kirby Arts Centre (although it may have closed since then, because the Facebook page hasn't been updated for over four years).  Hamilton Square is a far better station to see the historic Grade 1 listed square, as well as the Woodside Ferry Terminal, the U-Boat Museum, and the Wirral Transport Museum.  Ok, they're all closed for refurbishment at the moment but at least there are plans for them to come back.  The Wilfred Owen Museum is long gone.

HOOTON (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Wirral Way

The bottom end of the country park is pointed out at Hooton, and (spoilers) the top end appears at West Kirby, which is nice.  

HOYLAKE (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Royal Liverpool Golf Club

Absolutely the biggest attraction round here, but that's only really relevant when they hold the Open every decade or so.  Otherwise you're not getting in unless you've got a lot of money.

HUNTS CROSS (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Speke Hall

No-one in their right mind would use Hunts Cross to get to Speke Hall.  It's about three miles away.  It's a nasty walk along busy roads.  You'd have to skirt the edge of the airport.  It's possibly the closest nice place to Hunts Cross station, but you shouldn't be putting it on the app and implying it's convenient.

JAMES STREET (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Albert Dock and Pier Head

Our first city centre VirtuALF and absolutely the right one to list.  James Street is right on the waterfront and the closest station for the most famous sights in the city.  Bang on.

KIRKDALE (Northern Line) 

VirtuALF: Football Stadiums

Kirkdale is indeed the closest station to Goodison Park, although I personally wouldn't advise an innocent tourist to wander there through the back streets.  It's still a fair old walk to Anfield, mind.  Sandhills is actually where the Soccerbuses depart from on match days, and is also extremely close to Everton's new stadium in the docks, so this would probably be better at that station.

LEASOWE (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Leasowe Lighthouse

MORETON (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: North Wirral Coastal Park

I'm doing both of these at once because they've got the wrong VirtuALFs.  Both stations are handy for the North Wirral Coastal Park, which stretches between them, but, counterintuitively, Leasowe Lighthouse is actually closest to Moreton station.  It's a straight down the road while Leasowe station is another half a mile distant.  I'm imagining the programmer seeing Leasowe Lighthouse listed alongside Moreton station and thinking well that's clearly wrong, even though it's another of those delightful little foibles that make this country so annoying.

LIME STREET (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: none

I'll be covering some of the stations I think should have their own VirtuALFs at the end of this post (bet you can't wait) but I thought Lime Street was important enough to merit its own entry.  It is, after all, Lime Street Station.  Yes, there's interchange with the City Line - thank you for mentioning that - but there's also St George's Hall right over the road.  And the Empire Theatre.  And the Walker Art Gallery.  And the World Museum and the Library.  That's a whole load of world-class attractions a few steps from the station exit.  At least one of them should absolutely get a mention.

LITTLE SUTTON (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Georgian Quarter

I have no idea what this is.  Little Sutton is a large village outside Ellesmere Port.  It's got some pubs, some takeaways, a strip of shops and a garden centre.  It has been a settlement for a thousand years but it's pretty short on historic buildings and has virtually nothing pre-dating the 19th century.  A search for "Little Sutton Georgian Quarter" produced no results.  There is a Georgian Quarter in Liverpool; it's the area around the Anglican Cathedral and University, and includes a lot of fine white houses and elegant squares.  It is nowhere near Little Sutton.  If anyone can explain this one, I'm all ears.

LIVERPOOL CENTRAL (Northern and Wirral Lines)

VirtuALF: Bold St and Cathedrals

Central is convenient for a lot of the city centre - the name gives it away - but it makes sense that they try and guide you away from the shops and towards the cultural destinations instead.  It does mean that Liverpool One doesn't make a single appearance on the app.

LIVERPOOL SOUTH PARKWAY (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Liverpool John Lennon Airport

One of the reasons South Parkway was built in the first place was so it could act as a transport interchange to get you to the airport.  It's why it got such a grandiose building that combines rail and bus services; there was also meant to be a tram interchange that would take you right to the terminal.  As it is, you can get a local bus to your flight.

MOORFIELDS (Northern and Wirral Lines)

VirtuALF: The Cavern Quarter

There may be some who grumble about Liverpool piggybacking off the Beatles for tourist dollars; I'm not one of them.  Make your money where you can I say.  Get the Americans in to look at the Cavern then wow them with the rest of the city while they're here.  Definitely put down The Cavern Quarter as handy from Moorfields and collect those coins.

NEW BRIGHTON (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: New Brighton Beach

There's more to New Brighton that just the beach.  Unlike, say, Freshfield, there's a proper town here, with shops and cafes, plus the Floral Pavillion Theatre and the hipsterish Victoria Quarter.  Reducing it to the strip of sand seems reductive but it's what a lot of people come here for so fair enough.

 

OLD ROAN (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Footgolf Aintree

Another private leisure attraction that I don't totally agree with being on the app.  Not least because it's based at the Aintree Golf Course and is therefore closer to both Aintree and Fazakerley stations.  If you were going to list a commercial attraction here, the Odeon at Switch Island is closer, and there's the long strip of retail parks along the Ormskirk Road.  Rather that than "Footgolf".

ORMSKIRK (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Ormskirk Hospital

Poor Ormskirk should feel hard done-by.  It's a charming little market town, it's got a large popular university, there's historic buildings and a park.  It's a nice place to spend a day.  And it's got boiled down to the hospital, which isn't even handy for the station.  I might be biased, being a former resident, but it deserves better.

OVERPOOL (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Boulderhut

This is an indoor climbing centre on an industrial estate near the M53 and once again I don't agree with private businesses getting in on the act here.  On the plus side they appear to have changed their name to Climbing Hut and not informed Merseyrail so their appearance isn't much of an advert anyway.

PORT SUNLIGHT (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Port Sunlight Village

This is what Ormskirk and Chester should've got.  You know that historic place of the same name as the station?  It's here.  Knock yourself out.

ROCK FERRY (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Tranmere Rovers

It's a fair walk from Rock Ferry to Prenton Park - you could make a legitimate case that Birkenhead Central is a better place to get off the train - but there's nothing else in Rock Ferry you'd want to look at so we'll let them have it.  

SANDHILLS (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Awesome Walls

The VirtuALF at Sandhills rightly recognises its Awesome Walls, a series of ancient brick constructions erected around the same time as Hadrian's and dividing the city... of course I'm joking.  Awesome Walls is another rock climbing centre, this time inside a converted church.  As I said back at Kirkdale, the Soccerbuses depart from this station for the football, so you could've had that; alternatively the Stanley Dock and the Leeds and Liverpool Canal are within walking distance.  But no, you've got a climbing centre.

SOUTHPORT (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Southport Beach and Pier

Another great place to visit reduced to a single attraction, Southport's beach is at least a big reason for its popularity, though I'd say there are plenty of others.  The Pier, meanwhile, is currently closed for health and safety reasons and may never reopen.  Let's hope that Merseyrail have put it on the app because they believe it will come back one day.

SPITAL (Wirral Line)

VirtuALF: Dibbinsdale Nature Reserve

The Dibbinsdale is a surprisingly large stretch of wood and water in South Wirral.  I once found myself wandering around it by chance and it's a really nice place to visit; you wouldn't believe there were factories and homes metres away.  Bromborough Rake station is actually located virtually inside the reserve - turn left out of the station and you're there - but the main visitor's areas are closer to Spital.

ST MICHAELS (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Festival Gardens and Sefton Park

It couldn't be anything else, could it?  St Michaels is slap bang between two of the city's great green spaces and is handy for both.  You could've chucked Lark Lane in there as well but that would've been showing off.

WALTON (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Rice Lane City Farm

Much like the confusion at Leasowe, Rice Lane City Farm is actually closer to Walton than Rice Lane station, so they get the VirtuALF.  Part of me hoped it'd have Liverpool Prison but that's not great for tourism I guess.

WEST KIRBY (Northern Line)

VirtuALF: Hilbre Island and Wirral Way

Another seaside town reduced to its natural features, these are a good pair to have on your side.  Hilbre Island is beautiful and the Wirral Way is a great walk.  There's a lot more to this dinky little spot than that - why not visit and find out?

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That's the list of the stations that have got VirtuALFs and you may have noticed a few curious omissions.  Some of Merseyside's great "villages" are nowhere to be seen - no Formby, no Wallasey, no Maghull, Birkdale or Bromborough.  I'm not saying you'd want to have a day out in Kirkby but it getting a grand total of zero reasons to visit feels like a slap in the face.  Conway Park, which serves the north of Birkenhead town centre, including its famous market, is not there and, bafflingly, neither is Birkenhead Park.  I know the main attraction's in the name but so is Port Sunlight and that still got a VirtuALF - there could at least be a mention of the Birkenhead Park Visitor's Centre.  I've already mentioned the lack of Waterloo and Bidston, and it seems strange to me that connections with the City lines are flagged but not with Northern services at Ormskirk and Headbolt Lane and so on.  This information is elsewhere in the map but a simple British Rail symbol might be nice.  

As with the ALFs themselves the implementation seems to be hit and miss.  I like it as a concept; it's always nice to give someone a reason to get off the train, and to invite journeys that wouldn't otherwise have made.  I do find some of the choices baffling however.

(And I managed to get all the way to the end without pointing out that some of the stations have black circles on the diagram and some have black circles with white centres and there seems to be no rhyme or reason why.  Phew!)

(Oh).